Crash

The high of the trip is gone and I'm back to my normal sad state.
I fucking hate this.
So, bm had her baby on Tuesday. Last night the kids wanted to go see the baby. I didn't want dh to take them because he loves babies and I didn't want him gushing over her baby. I know, petty of me.
I can't have kids and I wanted kids and the pain creeps up at me and pushes me over the edge sometimes. I tried to have kids with my first husband, even went to a fertility dr and did some things that didn't work. He has 5 now. I have my two wonderful stepkids and four stepkids from exhusband #2. (Yes, I know, I'm THAT girl, the one who keeps getting married).
Anyway, bm having this kid HURTS.
But, it's not really about me, so I asked dh to take them to see their new brother, that's my act of kindness.
That's all I got, I'm too sad just writing this to do the rest today.