Day Two

Step One is to meditate, just tried meditating at my desk. I focused on the thought "happiness is a choice" because I've been feeling overwhelmingly sad and defeated and hopeless (etc etc) today. It actually worked for a minute, then I got a text message, ironically it was from my husband about the launch of his company's latest tech gadget, all these gadgets keep us distracted from ourselves. I will try this again later.

Step Two is to identify 3 new things I'm grateful for:
This is harder than it should be today due to the aforementioned despair, but here goes:
a. I'm grateful for my brain, sometimes I hate it but it's a pretty good one to have, overall
b. I'm grateful for pretty fingernail and toe polish
c. I'm grateful for my job, I've had this job for 10 years!

Step Three is to do one random act of kindness....Haven't done anything today, way to absorbed in myself. I'll be on the lookout.

Step Four is to journal about one good thing that happened.
The good thing that happened is that I tried to meditate. In AA, step 11 is to seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with god as we understand him. I've sort of been majorly ignoring this step for about 8-10 years due to a lack of a god that I at all understand. So, for now, I've taken the god part out of the equation, I'm just going to try to get some sort of awareness of the universe outside of my own brain. A good friend gave me a book that helped her, The Non-Believer's Higher Power. I am going to make a commitment, right here, to read it tonight.

 Step Five is to exercise.
Last night we walked for 1.5 miles in 28 minutes instead of going to the gym. Tonight I'm faced with the choice of going out to dinner with hubby and stepdaughter age 5 (known from now on as sd5) while ss10 (stepson aged 10) has baseball practice or taking sd5 to the gym while I go to yoga and the guys do the baseball thing. It's a hard choice for me. Yoga is awesome and makes me feel better but I feel this obligation to have "family time" plus I like to eat out. Whichever way I go with it, I'll get some exercise, even if it's just another walk around the block.


Ok, so there's day 2, I feel marginally less hopeless, which is a huge improvement on what I felt 20 minutes ago.