A new start

I read about a blogger who is depressed and has committed to 30 days of happiness. I'm depressed & I blog so I'm going to try it, too. Happiness Project Idea
It's really all stuff I should be doing anyway, similar to the AA programs "five alive" but, in spite of over 15 years of sobriety, I never do what I'm supposed to do. And I suffer as a result. I also complain to much, focus on the negative and beat myself up incessantly and, in a mind bogglingly sad way, all this makes me kind of mean to my stepkids and my husband so, here goes:

Step One is to meditate, haven't done that yet. I didn't read about this project 'til I got to work today so maybe I'll try it at the gym tonight (see step 5)

Step Two is to identify 3 new things I'm grateful for: a. my friends, I actually have a few true and real friends b. food, yes, I'm grateful for food, endless enjoyment c. the internet, without the internet I wouldn't know about the happiness thing and also, I'd be really bored at work.

Step Three is to do one random act of kindness..I'm going to borrow from yesterday because $100 is still a lot of money and it should count. I loaned/gave someone in AA that I kinda know but am not really close with money because she's a teacher and just got a new job and unemployment won't pay anymore because she got a job but she doesn't get paid until the end of September. I had to use Western Union and everything to do it. It took a lot more effort than paypal so, that's yesterdays but maybe today's too, unless I do something else later, then I'll update. : )

Step Four is to journal about one good thing that happened. That's easy today, the good thing is the happiness project itself. I've been really sad for a long time and feeling pretty hopeless and stuck and tragic and all that other whiney poor me stuff. I've made some shit choices, gotten myself in a not great mental state as a result and feel really stuck there. I quit my old blog and even made it private after blogging for 9 years because it was just to depressing to continue writing the same sad shit in my brain. So here's a new one and a new start...it's worth a shot.

 Step Five is to exercise. I am sometimes really great at that. For two years yoga kept me alive. Then I made the bad decisions that led to my new life and it doesn't involve nearly enough exercise. Tonight is hot yoga at the gym which I fucking hate. I don't like warm yoga much less hot, I like a fan on me in the a/c when I bend myself into silly poses. So, instead of yoga, I will go to the gym and use the elliptical, that's when I'll meditate (see step one)

Ok, that's all for now...day one of my new journey.